Four months ago my marriage broke up. I say "broke up", it would be more accurate to say my now-estranged husband broke up. His brain, I like to think, just slowed down, shuddered and stopped. So one Thursday, while I was visiting my parents, he decided that his marriage was over, gathered his stuff together and left.
He left me a note. Oh, don't think he didn't mention it to me. He did. There was a whole side of A4.
I was in shock. I think. Numb. With some weeping. Oh alright, numb with a lot of weeping. Debenhams, TK Maxx, Sainsbury's: I wept in them all.
A month later he decided that he might have made a mistake. We did a little bit of talking, a few weeks' worth, and then he slept with the woman he left me for again. (Oh yes, there was another woman. Have I not mentioned that? Remiss of me.)
Then this week, I lost my job.
Life has gone from this known and knowable thing, to something which surprises me at every turn. To begin with that felt unbearable, and now it feels a bit wonderful.
I don't want to give you the wrong impression, sometimes it's still hard. Choke in the throat hard (that sounds rude).
But by god there have been some just *lovely* things too. Times, people, thoughts, feelings, dreams, plans. I feel a bit like I have woken up, and to everything; beautiful and terrible, opportunity and crisis.
It's all happening. All of it.
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